TU66: Lessons from the Single-Not-Dating World on Using Attachment Science in Real Life, with Guest Becki Mendivil
Candid and hilarious conversation about how the relational sciences translates to work and parenting, by a listener ready to challenge the premise. Afraid of interacting with your co-workers? All the single listeners, (think Beyonce!) heads up. Learn to use attachment science day to day and delve more deeply into the avoidant end of the spectrum. Fun episode!
We have unconscious stories about ourselves and the world held in our mind/body. Sensorimotor psychotherapy helps you be curious about what your body stores & can have a huge impact on your sense of self. Tap into your own mind/body as a deep & abiding source of information and means of finding self-understanding and closer connection. It’s part of growing secure relating with self and others!
Enjoy a straight shot of Kirtan Kriya Meditation from Kundalini Yoga Instructor and Therapist, Kelly Inselman. That’s fancy for coolness and calm. Who doesn’t want that? Dive right in and give yourself the gift of practicing along – we guarantee a more regulated nervous system moment. Money back guarantee. 🙂
Cancer sucks, no way around it. Learn how blending the principles of emotional healing and yoga can bring emotional, physical and relational support. No yoga required, the conversation itself is healing, and you’ll also find a bonus mediation made specially for our listeners. Don’t be scared of woo woo, it’s easy and nourishing without any commitment. 🙂
Columnist Dan Hardick, the Luv Doc, has seen it all. Get his irreverent and bitingly honest insights on the dating scene and relationships that survive. He comes from the unique position of having decades of experience editing the Personal Ads and giving cringe-worthy dating advice with his column in the Austin Chronicle. Great insights and rowdy fun.
The elusive 4th category of adult attachment, disorganization, and how this state of mind relates to everyone, no matter your trauma history. Dropping into overwhelm and disorganization happens to everyone at times, and some more than others. When we have been exposed to serious danger, unresolved fright or major loss in such a way that it interferes with healthy coping patterns, we are left to our own to manage the world. In research terms they call this disorganized, but we’d like to describe it as squirting squid ink to confuse who we think is the predator and making a run for it.
Wrapping up this 3-part series focusing specifically on adult attachment, Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss disorganized attachment, how it forms, how it appears in adult life, and how you can identify when you fall in a pocket of it to organize yourself internally and externally.
TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment
Improve your sense of security and communicate more effectively with those you love by understand preoccupied/anxious attachment. Learn to manage your body’s reactivity in relationships by learning about this attachment tendency and how it relates to unconscious regulation of the brain. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD discuss and make the information practical for real world use.
This episode is especially for those “talk to the hand” kind of people, or those that love them. You know, the uber-independent, rational, left-brain, excel spreadsheet person that sees others emotions as needy and weak. Co-hosts Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD translate decades of research and clinical experience into easy to understand usable points to help you improve your understanding of why people appear so irrational at times.
TU58: Improving the Interpersonal World of the Internet for Both Kids and Adults with Guest Catherine Knibbs
Explore how we both build and damage connections as we engage in the online world. We discuss the impact on developing minds and the interpersonal realm of young people and adults, including cyberbullying and cybertrauma. Guest Catherine Knibbs
Dating bites (& no, that’s not necessarily a complaint :)). Learn to get out there and enjoy yourself as you peruse your choices. This episode is for everyone – all genders and sexualities – but today we focus on same-sex oriented women in the LGBTQ community.
How does one come to see themselves and predict the world? That was the original question for researchers who have been studying attachment for over 40 years! Dr. Alan Sroufe tells us what his thoughts are now, many years and tons of data later, about how we find ourselves and relate to others.
Hopelessness, loss of meaning, and existential distress – these are the characteristics not of depression as one might think, but of demoralization. They are different syndromes with different directions for intervention. Find out more in this episode where co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP discuss how transitioning from taking an active stance towards either situation can be beneficial. Learn how you can develop both internal and external coping mechanisms against demoralization.
Neuroscience continues to document our ability to change and grow throughout our life. This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years. Learn how to adjust set stress “pathways” and move towards more secure relating in adult relationships, and also unravel the parallels that exist between attachment in infants and the elderly.
Learn how to understand challenging histories and best address the complex trauma in your life, whether it be your own, your child or another loved one. Self-compassion, avoiding shame in parenting and addressing these issues in therapy are covered.
Conquer your stress and worry using the neuroscience-backed techniques in this episode. Not woo-woo, movement and yoga can enhance the depth of your therapy and assist in reducing your upset no matter where you are. Also see the bonus track that accompanies this episode, a 12-minute high-quality meditation that you definitely want to give a try! Don’t be scared, you may be surprised you like it.
Neuroscience tells us that learning to manage our arousal through practice benefits our minds and body very quickly. This is a bonus episode designed to go with Episode 52 – this one is a straight 12-minute mindfulness meditation lead by yoga master and psychotherapist, Kelly Inselmann.
TU 51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert, Dr. Steve Finn
Shame, the good, the bad and the ugly! In this podcast, learn how to recognize the various forms of shame and how guilt can be an antidote to this pit in the stomach feeling. Sue Marriott, Dr. Ann Kelley and guest Dr. Stephen Finn engage in a wide-ranging discussion about the least favorite feeling in most people – the collapsed feeling of shame!
Get your own dormant entrepreneur inside of you excited with this podcast, which delves into the psychology of these successful leaders. Also find out how to increase the “luck” factor in getting your goals accomplished.
Become a master not a disaster at relationships! Quick tips to help you regulate emotions in yourself and others. Deepen your skills at deciphering these things we call feelings (ack!) and learn how to use this information to co-regulate yourself and those close to you.
Can healthy dialogue around the #MeToo phenomena cross genders? We explore the tensions felt by both men and women in their discussions around sexual harassment and assault and explore strategies for increasing understanding and connection.
Those of us who haven’t had it easy growing up aren’t doomed to repeat our challenges with our own children. Learning about secure parenting can make us paranoid, but no worries — there is a lot of leeway to get things generally right. Learn about the 4 S’s of healthy relating in this podcast.
Guest Esther Perel shares her research on love, desire and infidelity in modern relationships. Update your model of health and widen your perspective on the erotic, which is the difference between a relationship that just survives, and one that thrives!
Not only does Bob Schneider (professional musician and wicked Creative) share his navigation of emotion as he writes music, in this in-depth conversation he also shares personal stories about his therapy and recovery with Sue Marriott. He goes on to describe mediocre versus great therapy, how to train your critical brain like your dog, and taking in tons of information like a whale and spitting out “song turds” from his unconscious. Blending anecdotal stories, neuroscience and attachment theory, this interview both entertains and educates.
Bonus section: Sue discusses an extended excerpt of Schneider’s song, “Let the Light In” from an attachment perspective.
Learn how to use music to improve brain health, manage mood, increase relational happiness and get tips on how to build neural plasticity through this art. Remember, it’s not just cotton candy for the ears!
We continue our (sexy) conversation on ways to create sexual vitality throughout our lives. From honesty about our fantasies and desires, to sexual health and a new way of looking at addiction, this episode will get you thinking and hopefully sharing!
TU 42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2)
Add pleasure to the notion of healthy sex and the whole conversation changes!
In this very sexy conversation (earphones around little kids are good idea for this one!), we talk about the balance between pleasure and safety as a way to think of sexual health. “Sexual debut” vs losing our virginity… wow, how fun is that shift in thinking, for example?
Given that the single best predictor of therapy success lies in the relationship between therapist and client, what happens when that relationship becomes dysfunctional? In this episode, we discuss how to distinguish between therapy that gets hard in the process of healthy growth, versus therapy that causes strife and interpersonal distress. Lean how to identify if you are in trouble and what to do about it.
Learn how we can develop a compassionate inner voice to help us move toward self-love, emotional regulation and healing.
The single best predictor of therapy success-across different therapy models- lies in the relationship between therapist and client. Learn what this means and peek behind the note pad as three psychotherapists talk about love and hate in the therapeutic relationship.
Moving into a home with non-related kids comes with predictable challenges for each part of the system. Jump the hurdles and move the system into security rather than chaos.
How do we make sense of ourselves when we no longer make sense?
Understand how psychotherapy works and how stimulating brain plasticity enhances its effectiveness
Sexologist expert Alexandra Katehakis discusses everything from sex ed to porn. Learn how to build vitality in your sex life!
Learn the 3 pillars of attachment security and how to heal from the inside-out.
We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions.
“Witness Marks” from your biography that predict medical and mental health risk in your future
The coolest thing about mentalizing is that it is teachable and can interrupt the transmission of insecure attachment with very low level interventions compared to years of psychotherapy.
Updated research on insecure adult attachment tells us these categories are more fluid than fixed. Begin to really get this down so we can build towards earned security.
We all know it doesn’t happen until we’re ready for it, but that doesn’t stop us from trying to ram change down our loved one’s throat. This episode will help us be smarter, kinder, and more importantly, make change more effective for those we love.
Remember your extreme adolescent self-consciousness? Today’s episode will bring us all up to speed on what’s going on in the teenage noggin and give us ideas about how to handle it.
We explore a three step process for finding relief from continuous worry and anxiety. Don’t let your primitive brain hijack your emotions – this episode goes into more detail about the process of managing worry and anxiety.
New York Times best-selling author Tina Payne Bryson shares her experience as a parent and clinician on parenting with the brain in mind.
Listen to our conversation with therapists from Austin In Connection – recorded live! We joined Austin In Connection for their Year of Conversations meeting to explore the foundations of relational sciences and interpersonal neurobiology.
The art of listening seems so easy on the surface but often proves challenging in our lives. Listening can create feelings of powerlessness and subordination that makes us act out in ways that we often don’t even recognize. Our brains are anticipation machines! By using two sports visualizations, learn how to turn communication into a game with two winners.
Demystifying what happens in our body and emotions when we experience grief and loss. Candyce Ossefort-Russell helps us explore how loss of an important person, relationship or role deregulates our nervous system and makes us feel like we are in danger. Grief is our bodies reaction to this violation. It is a natural process we need to go through to heal. We also look at how personal and idiosyncratic the process can be for each individual. Candyce makes recommendations on how we can help ourselves and others navigate this journey to a new self organization. We also look at how uncomfortable our culture is with grief.
Self compassion includes fierce accountability and is essential to psychological health… who knew? Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but in this episode our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self compassion.
Group therapist tell us why they love group therapy and why it is valuable to their clients
Victim Perpetrator Rescuer? Rigid, self-defeating or even self-satisfying roles can limit our happiness in life at times. Learn more about theses three roles we all carry inside us and how we can transform them to make us stronger and happier. Our Karpman’s triangle infographic will help explain this phenomenon.
Help is here for having those uncomfortable conversations… like whether or not there such a thing as reverse-racism, what’s going on when people ask about white lives matter, how is racism different than prejudice, developmental models of racial identity, colorism, self-hatred and so on. This is a rich dialog that will be an interesting, hopefully shame-free conversation starter. We hope you share this episode widely and follow up with discussions about what you think with one another, or take action with the resource section in the show notes. Thank you Christine Schmidt and Rudy Lucas for the inspiration and the conversation!
Tips and tricks to manipulate your nervous system by increasing perceived safety and disarming the sense of threat- the Polyvagal Theory revisited.
How fostering social engagement enhances health and wellbeing
Why do we struggle to break and form habits? The neuroscience behind our fight to form and break habits.
Join us as we talk with the founder of Interpersonal Neurobiology and listen to him explain how the mind doesn’t just exist inside your skull.
Explained in plain speak. Unpack the complicated science behind the brain the mind and secure relating.
The surprising election results ave created deep passions which threaten to upend families, divide neighbors and strain work relationships. Understand powerful political passions and how to navigate them.
In-depth discussion on narcissism in our current political climate with Dr Leonard Cruz and Dr Steven Buser
Episode 12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good for Us: Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin
Healthy relating to your family, partner and friends isn’t always easy. Learn why and what you can do to make it go smoother.
Understanding the difference between feeling controlled and being infuenced. How to not be a doormat or a bully in important connections.
Get your squeak on! The rat tickler’s research on human emotions.
Learn specific tips on engaging with your partner that can immediately increase relationship satisfaction for both of you.
Therapists explain the neuroscience behind emotional over-reactivity.
One of the most terrifying treatment modalities explained.
This isn’t parent-blaming, it’s compassionate truth-telling so we can do it right this go round.
It’s been a long time since I was a kid so how could it possibly matter how I was raised?
This is a very short episode that demonstrates a simple but very powerful technique that improves neural integration and reduces stress
Most couples don’t match up perfectly when it comes to their sexual desires. What happens next? Understanding sexuality, emotions and sexual desire in long-term relationships can help keep the fires burning and help keep conflict, or drift, at bay.
Learn how to outsmart your brain and steer towards security. We will unpack the three specific brain structures that affect our sense of well-being and our relationships.
Learn why communicating your feelings doesn’t lead to your partner changing and why your belief that it should creates havoc.