What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout?
It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency. However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.
But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.
Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations.
Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly.
General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner
Learning to talk about talking about sex
Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex
The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner
How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes
When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life?
How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground
Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication
Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages
The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies
Part of women’s fantasies is being desired
Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism
Avoiding arousal/desire censorship
How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources
Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting
Wrap up and outro
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show.
Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki
We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest!
Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice.
TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease. They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service. Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored. Please click above and check it out.
Want to support this work and stay in touch?
The best way to stay in touch right now is to join our Facebook page (click here) where we post more frequently – also find our private FB page by joining the public one!
We only send email when we have something to really say in order to respect your inbox, but certainly please Join our email list. Finally, be sure not to miss a podcast episode by subscribing through your favorite podcast player, for example,subscribe to Tunes here.
The biggest help of all is to leave us a review, they are so useful as we go forward fine-tuning what is most helpful for our audience and it literally inspires us to keep going in this hobby of love!
New to attachment, interpersonal neurobiology and the relational sciences?
Start with Episode 59-61 for the Spectrum of Attachment and learn how to use the research in day to day settings, and follow that with a apertif of Episode 66 where a single non-therapist relates how she uses this material NOT in a relationship in a hilarious feedback session where she tells us how we are doing.
Finally, be sure you’ve checked out our free video, Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more and to easily share the basics of this science and what to do with it with others!